Praise

It is good to praise The Lord even when we don't feel like it.
Especially... when we don't feel like it.

Is Jesus worthy of our praise only when our emotions are on the mountaintop?
No; He is worthy... always.

The Word became Flesh

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only son from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

Leaving a Legacy

"I have eaten at the table of the Lord, where I eat His will, and sometimes its sour to the taste, but its always good to the stomach; and I've eaten from the favor of man, and its always sweet to the taste, but it sours in the stomach." ~ Bill Johnson 'The Responsibility of Blessing'  Podcast # 25

My Goal

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, 
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God" ~ Oswald Chambers

Bill Johnson - The Resting Place

Even the first ten minutes of this...
I'm blown away.

Heidi Baker's Testimony

This is Heidi Baker's testimony,
It's incredible.
What does it mean to be truly desperate for YHWH?

Bill Johnson - Does God Ever Cause Sickness?

Bill Johnson- Becoming Glorious

"I live to end well" ~ Bill Johnson

This is the cry of my soul. Jesus, teach me to end well. 

Not just me, but my children and grandchildren. 

To a thousand generations.
There is power in vision and word. 

Do Not Disconnect!

This sermon... speaks to my heart and gives me hope!

Click this title, and it'll take you right to the sermon: 

The New Rules of Resolution

"Do not disconnect. You're in process" 

"This may not be the perfect year... but you're in process." 

~ Pastor Steven Furdick

God Himself

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, 
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God" ~ Oswald Chambers

Sacrifice

An army is rising up... an army as radical as Daniel, David, the apostles and prophets. 

An army on their knees; 

An army forged in the fires of time spent in the presence of God. 

Anyone is welcome, but this army ain't slowing down. They're going all out, as one body, in full force, seeking the heart of God, through the grind and the fire and sacrifice. 

"Sacrifice fuels the flame of victory in their upward eyes" - The Vision. 

My greatest desire is to be part of this army, and I pray, no matter what the sacrifice. 

Satisfied

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him ~ John Piper

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

Love this!
Whats the life God has called us to?
I think about the risks God wants me to take
and wonder if I have my routine straight.
Obedience takes risk
disobedience even more.

John Piper - Radical Christian Sacrifice - Sermon Jam

Oh. my. goodness.
I've taken my eyes off Jesus...
and my heart has grown cold.
Oh God, for hunger to overtake my soul
for passion and intimacy with You!
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...this is my prayer.
Don't let my heart grow cold.
For me to be willing to look foolish, insane, ridiculous before people and burn bright for you!
To taste the glory Moses tasted
Joshua, Daniel.
Even if I have to sacrifice all else.
Oh God Forgive me for I've become lukewarm.
It's all about hunger
Hunger.
Hunger.

Healed!

This woman can dance again after 8 years!

Healing the sick is a mandate from God, it is not an option.

"Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give." Matthew 10:8 

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover." Mark 16:17-18

Speak Out By Faith And Win

You are seated
on the throne of Christ
You are a King. A Priest.
Speak
in faith
and so
it shall be.

"Those who know their God shall be strong and do mighty exploits" Daniel 11:32

A Call to Anguish

Perspective

I constantly fight
to look through God's perspective,
and not merely my own.

Find You On My Knees

Brokenness just wont let me rest
Fear is filling up my head
God I'm longing for You

I will find you
in the place I'm in
when I'm at my end
when there's nothing left in me
to offer
accept for brokenness and failure

When my hope is gone
When my fear is strong
When the pain is real
When its hard to hear
When my faith is shaken
and my joy is stolen
When I'm weak and broken
When I'm lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees
for
You are faithful.
You are constant.
You never leave.
You are love.
You are here.

Risk

I'm finding faith is spelled
R...I...S...K

Stepping out in the face of uncertainty....
overcoming fear
taking baby steps
holding onto God
for dear life

Hungry Steps

Romans 12

Romans 13

Romans 14

Romans 15

These chapters have been killing me.

As I read through, it felt like the first time I'd ever laid eyes on those words, even though I've read it a million times.

"Dont copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" ~ Romans 12:2

How does one change the way they think? The mind is the seat of judgment, emotion, reasoning, and decision.
and if my mind is fallen, my life is on a dangerous course.

Romans 12
Read it all the way through.

Those words, taken to heart, have transformational power I've already begun to feel.
one step at a time.
one hungry step at a time.

Where Feet may Fail

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now 

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior 

~ Hillsong United

Nothing Stands

Be joyful in hope
patient in trouble
faithful in prayer
Romans 12:12

my clarity is haze
my wisdom foolish
my righteousness rags

nothing now stands
save the blood
and love
of the Lamb

Background

I've tried it my way
Failed miserably.
Its Yours now, Jesus.
Take the Lead
and I will follow.

Lyrics that read my soul~
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes

The Fragrance of Flowers

Rain, misty showers

a lonely road

leads her

through wooded beauty

roses bloom

lilacs blossom

splendor surrounds

tears fall

onto dirt

and petals

as she leans over

to catch the Fragrance of Flowers

Heaven beckons
she feels

the arms of the wind

wrapped in embrace

rain drops

fall

into misty eyes

a silent assurance
as creation grieves

and cloaks her

with the Fragrance of Flowers

the past...

the future

the present

mistakes

her lack of wisdom

her fallen ways

bring her here

to this lonely road

in search

for beauty from ashes

for flesh from bones

in this valley of grief

she finds

the Fragrance of Flowers

If only
it were

for the presence of wisdom.

Wisdom

precious wisdom.

Remorse wont unravel

the tapestry of the past

threads weaved

by fallen fingers

God, she cried

Where are you?

I'm sorry, Jesus...

my best attempt to follow,

wrought

with mistakes,

fallenness,

failure

Jesus

Forgive me.

now do it Your way

I've messed up

now

I give it over.

Roses bloom

splendor surrounds

tears fall

onto dirt

and petals

as she leans over

to weep in her Creator's arms 

and prays for

the Fragrance of Flowers

Metal hit rock and broke dirt as I dug up the ground, preparing it for seed.

“Dig up your fallow ground” 

I paused for a split second, and then continued to dig;

Those words came into my thoughts out of nowhere with beautiful clarity and decided to hit replay in my brain.

Hmmmm…. I pondered upon them as I continued to tear out the grass. 

I knew those words came somewhere from the Bible… spoken by YHWH to the Israelites, warning them to turn from their wicked ways before they brought destruction upon themselves.

Cool. I didn’t give it another thought.

I continued to work on the garden through the week, tilling untamed ground, conquering the land, basking in the feel of fresh dirt and sun.

(as a side note… ‘burrowing’ into the ground with a shovel is one of my favorite activities, I love it, solely for the satisfaction of digging J )

One evening, as I tore up my stubborn ground, those same words came unannounced, once again, into my thoughts.  

And then… it began to rain.

Those rejuvenating drops of cool refreshment like a cool mist over my aching body; invigorated, I shoved that shovel deeper into the ground, working now with renewed determination under the joy of pouring rain.

Mud, sweat, and water

Dripped off of me into the dirt

...and I felt incredibly alive.

After I dug up an entire garden plot and then some, I washed up and went inside.

I needed to look up those words; as I did, I sat there, kinda stupified.

Sow for yourselves righteousness;

reap steadfast love;

break up your fallow ground,

for it is the time to seek the Lord,

that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

Hosea 10:12

Break up your fallow ground… that he may come and rain righteousness

Wow!!!

I couldn’t have experienced a more concrete example of this verse, I had worked all week breaking up that hardened ground into mounds of fresh, beautiful, tilled dirt…

and then came the rain!

Amazing.

Was YHWH telling me something?

I looked at the action words in those verses…

“Sow righteousness…

break up your fallow ground

seek the Lord”

The Lord brought to mind something he told me a few months prior; words He had spoken to the Israelites in the distant past…

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

I could not let these pass me by.
Jesus had my attention now, and I needed to listen.
I’ve been wrestling with God for a while over several issues… wrestling and wrestling, and wrestling some more.

Seeking answers, finding none, and settling into a tumultuous storm of confusion;
yet God is not the author of confusion… but rather, of a sound mind.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:5

As a side note, it is a sound and firm mind I seek. Decision-making skills have forever eluded me; It’s an area I struggle with, an area I'm trying to conquer.

The next evening as I spoke with dad, I discovered he had been fasting, and was doing so for seven days. He talked about it casually, and I was surprised… I hadn’t a clue.

The next morning, on the spur of the moment, I decided a good step toward breaking up my fallow ground and seeking the Lord was to give up my daily comfort of food for a few days and seek seriously the heart of my Father.

So I did.

… and it was unbelievably worth it.

  

Break up your fallow ground

for it is time to seek the Lord

that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

Becoming Love

"This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you" John 15:12

May I become an embodiment of this command;
Jesus, open my eyes, for I have become so blind.

I stumbled upon a sermon on love today. It blew me away
...and thats an understatement.
 I've never heard a sermon like this before.

 Ever.

It's revolutionary. 

It's an hour long... but the rare, exquisite jewels of wisdom in this sermon is delightfully worth it.

"We're not here to be loved; we've been loved, by Christ. 
We're here to become love. 
Its too easy to be another hurt and offended human being (this got me); its the easiest thing on the planet. Its called flesh." ~ Dan Mohler

Running from Goodbye

Stuck in reverse.
running from goodbye
...trying to avoid the pain

just causing more hurt.

"Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;

but they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint." ~ Isaiah 40:30-31

Let Go and Let God

Saturday...

I discovered goats are amazingly comfortable to ride on :) Mr. Maccableats the goat continued to aggressively tear at his lovely grass while I sat on his back.

I wondered if two blocks of ice rubbed together at infinite speed could override the cold to create combustion... talked it through and figured out it was indeed possible. 

Determinedly dug a pit for an hour with my brother and his friends 'just for the fun of it' :)

Had fun with electrical circuits (some of it was caught on video, you can watch it right here)

A little girl and I teamed up against my brother and wrestled him... (of course my wiry 11 yr old brother beats me almost every time)

...then got caught in the most epic pillow fight since the creation of mankind. 

Finally... I discovered that pillow throwing is in fact very therapeutic.
As I hung out with the kids, I found myself laughing like I havent laughed in ages.
I mean... yes, I laugh everyday, but theres a difference between laughter of the surface and laughter of the deep.
The kids brought out from within me,
laughter of the deep.

Kids...
are so free
real
honest
simple
and forgive in a heartbeat.

As I grow into adulthood, I find myself constantly battling the negative that comes with the challenges of life...
It becomes easier to hold a grudge,
easier to take offense,
easier to be worried.

and then I catch myself...
and have to consciously instruct my heart
to let it go
just let go.
reach out,
build bridges,
extend peace.
forgive.
let joy flow over me as it once did.

for since YHWH is our Father
and we are His beloved,
we can truly
let go and let God. 

Abide

It's not about how great your faith is; its about trusting in God's great faithfulness - Hudson Taylor

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers." ~ John 15:4-6

His words ring loud and clear.

Jesus stands in a hot and dusty street, a crowd surrounding him as far as the eye can see;
and he declares to everyone listening,
the key to life abundant.

Abide in me, and let me abide in you, for apart from me you shall wither.

It is clear.
and yet... I so often fall into deep slumber.
aware, yet content in my comfort to continue slumbering;
Awaken! Awaken yourself for your beloved stands near...
oh how hard can my heart possibly be?
awaken, for he will not share his heart with strangers or standby's.
awake, for life begins
in the presence of Jesus.
Let not the distractions of the world lull you...
lull you away
from love incorrupt.

Abide

Life Abundant

"You don't have to discover you're dying

to start living"  

~ Zach Sobiech

Zach died this Monday; age 18. 

In the short span of his life, he left a lasting legacy. 

he re-infused into many hearts a passion,

to live life,

and to live it to the fullest. 

"I have come to give you life, and life abundant" 

~ Jesus of Nazareth 

Fear

God works in seasons, I'm beginning to discover.

Seasons...

There are seasons of joy, seasons of pain, seasons of success, seasons of failure, seasons of storm, seasons of calm.

God remains faithful through it all.

Even when life doesn't look, smell, or taste like what we thought it would... when life brings fears and conflicts in the blink of an eye...

this promise still remains

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him" 1st Corinthians 2:9

... we are simply to remain faithful.

Even then

"If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself" 2nd Timothy 2:13

As disciples of Jesus, however, we are called to be faithful and simply do what God has placed in front of us to do.

What has God called me to right now?

Right now?

The biggest question bouncing around in my heart right now concerns the MCATS.

Should I take them this year, or not?

Honestly, I'm terrified of them. I don't have one direction over another from God...

... and so I have set a fleece before Him.

the internship.

Most of me feels... oh, I have no idea.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and self-control." 1st Timothy 1:7

Fear is a powerful crippler of the mind, and I confess I haven't been very good at conquering it lately.

Fear...

I remember the times I've walked straight through the fires of fear before, and God led me through with His strong arms, entirely unharmed.

once again, it is the battle of the mind.

and once again, I look, turn, cast myself upon Him...

ask Him to give me victory,

and realize...

He's already bought the victory.

It is mine to take

to stand

to fight for the truth

that the power of God conquers all fear.

Whether I do the MCATS this year or not,

Let it not be fear that holds me back.

A short and powerful video that inspired me this evening, after I wrote this blogpost on fear is linked right here:  ~ Live Before You Die

The Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship...

I could almost hear my heartbeat.
The world seemed to fade away for a millisecond
I could not respond
Stunned silence commanded the room still
And then I buried my head in my hands as I wept.

It all started one morning after my A&P class last year.
My professor, Sue Justis, looked over at me,
"Anmol, I need to meet with you after class."
Uh oh. 
As I put on my coat, I turned to Adam, the best student in the class, and expressed my fear,
"Gosh, that makes me nervous."
He shrugged, "Aaah, you're probably going to be awarded Scholar of the year or something like that."
"Yeah, right" I laughed.
"Gosh, maybe I just bombed my last lab report...."
Sue turned to me "I'll be ready in a minute, we need to go over the Scholar's Room; Ivan and I need to speak with you."
"Oh... uh, ok."
My mind continued to scramble for reasons,"Or maybe I haven't fulfilled enough service learning hours to graduate with Honors?"

As we walked across the campus to the Scholar's Room, I had no idea what to say. She asked me a few questions... and then George, my student councilor, came out of another building.
We happened to be going the same way.

As we approached the scholar's room, I saw my teacher Ruth Wrightsman standing at the door. Her's was my next class, where I was supposed to be right now. Why was she here?
"It must be a gathering of all the Scholars graduating this year."
I entered into a room filled with my faculty, staff... the president....and my family.
My family?
I glanced up at the board, which screamed "Congratulations, Anmol!"
Voices quietened to a hush as someone nudged me up to the president.
Bewildered, I removed my coat and walked up to the front.

The president began to speak of my achievements at the college, while I politely stood by, wondering if Adam's words were indeed coming true, and why my name was on the board when there were plenty of other quite incredible scholars.
After about a minute, Jane turns to me and says "Congratulations, Anmol. You are the first student of Flathead Valley Community College to be chosen as the recipient of the Jack Kent Cooke Foundation Scholarship"
My mind reeled in shock.

I applied to this highly prestigious and extremely competitive scholarship in 2011, awarded every year to only 60 of the 13 million community college students in the United States. It is offered to the four year university of the students choice, and is simply a dream come true.

I could hardly believe the words my president uttered.
How something so wondrous could happen was beyond my ability to grasp.
In one swift second, everything seemed to fall into place... my doubts and fears over tuition for the next two years - all dispelled in one fell swoop.
I was discovering even more that the Rock I stood on was strong indeed. The Lord my God was my rock and foundation. He brought me here, He was going to carry me through.
He was faithful.
He was always faithful.

As I sobbed, my heart was overwhelmed beyond ability to voice my gratitude.
I finally gathered the strength to do so, but all I could utter were a few words, so miserably inadequate from expressing the emotions of my heart.

My parents had no idea.
My dad nearly dropped his camera when he heard the news. He struggled to control his emotions, and broke down into tears as he shared our story; There was hardly a dry eye in the room as my father spoke.

They had no finances to send their daughter to college in a first world nation; but being led by God, they decided to follow his lead. I was in Montana, doing a School of Biblical Studies, and the last thing on my mind was doing something as crazy as applying to a college in the United States. I certainly wanted to go to college, but it was impossible. However, I obeyed and I applied, thinking my parents were out of their minds and absolutely crazy, as did many others.
But then they were no longer crazy as I watched in wonder as the power of God come through like a flood, every single time. Every single payment. Every single job. Everything... in perfect precision.
Perfectly planned, God powerfully honored the faith my parents walked in.
and he was now teaching me to walk in that same faith.

I stood in that room, stunned at the faithfulness of God.
My parents stood there, witnessing His power once again.
That room will forever be a landmark of God's faithfulness in my life, the learning room of faith.

The faculty, staff, and professor's at Flathead Valley Community College were part of my journey since the very beginning. They witnessed miracle after miracle, they helped pave the path, they have been a blessing, an unbelievable blessing.
As we were leaving, one of my closest faculty member's hugged me and said "If there is a reason to believe in a God, you are."

I don't deserve the goodness of God, not one bit, but He has never let go.
All I can say
is
Jesus, You are so good.

"I am overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus. Simply overwhelmed. It's undeserved, unmerited and unearned... the goodness of God for us, bought by Jesus on the cross." - a journal excerpt. August 22, 2012; written during the first semester at my four year university